


Something to Hold On To

by nellipot



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, and feelings, lots of cigarettes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 18:13:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14676642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nellipot/pseuds/nellipot
Summary: done for a prompt fromgood---storieson tumblr,"on the DVD commentary when timothée said armie would go up to the villa attic to smoke, michael was surprised, so it probably wasn't something the rest of the cast or crew knew about. so, i like thinking that timmy just found him up there one day and then it became one of their secrets...."this quickly got out of hand and became Armie and Timmy sharing secrets and kisses in their attic clubhouse that they've claimed as their own (along with each other)





	Something to Hold On To

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry that i'm shirking all my responsibilities and posting this instead i love you all

He’d just been looking around, trying to find something to hold onto in this house that would be beneficial for this character, possibly, or help him not think of everything as too big; the villa, his apartment, this role, the man sharing it with him. But maybe it did end up helping, to see Armie there waving his hand in the air, trying to clear up the smoke he was blowing out.

“Oh, hey dude, you uh, found my hiding place.” Armie grinned at him, no shame, no guilt for doing something no one explicitly told him not to do. That was something he envied.

“I’m sorry, man, I was just trying to –”

“Acquaint yourself?” Armie finished. Timmy nodded, gave him half a smile. “Same.”

“Well. I’ll let you –”

“This movie dude.” Armie sighed, taking a long drag, stopping Timmy from turning towards the door. “It’s gonna be…” He didn’t finish his sentence, just shook his head and raised his eyebrows, like something had just popped up in front of his face unexpectedly. Timmy nodded, even though Armie wasn’t looking at him. 

“Yeah, uh,” He cleared his throat. “Yeah I don’t really – I don’t really know what I’m doing here.” It should have been said with a laugh, and it almost was, but there was something about how the room was clouding up that made him feel safe in the confession, that made him think the smoke could laugh for him. 

Armie looked back at him then and Timmy didn’t know if his smile was supposed to be reassuring, or empathetic, or uncertain, but he did reach his hand out to offer him a cigarette, so Timmy decided to take the gesture as it was. He took it, and they took turns crouching to blow what they could out the tiny space Armie managed to push open on one of the windows, laughing the more their attempts showed to be futile. 

“We’ve got three weeks to figure it out, at least.” Armie said, bumping their shoulders together. This was so different from the man who burst through the door a few days ago, he didn’t know he could like Armie more than he already did. He breathed in the smoke like it was fresh air.

\--

“I’m going up for a smoke, you in?”

Timmy watched him check his pockets. “Don’t you mean _down_?” 

Armie scoffed. “And have to walk all the way back up here?”

“Either way you’re walking up the stairs at some point.” Timmy said, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Armie stopped his search to stare at him lazily.

“I don’t need your Columbia ass to school me in anything other than acting, thanks.”

“I wasn’t _trying to_ -”

“Walk and talk!” Armie’s back was toward him already, having found his cigarettes and heading towards the door to the attic. Timmy stopped talking all together and just followed with a huff. 

He didn’t know if the house felt any less big, but it was easier to navigate through, definitely, now that he had Armie to walk with. He didn’t know at what point in the last three weeks they became inseparable, or the last time he was able to talk to someone as easily, but he appreciated every moment of it, because experiences like these on a set weren’t a given. 

“First day on the job and you already need something to calm you down?” Timmy teased, reaching the top of the stairs and seeing Armie sat leaning against a wall. Armie blew the smoke towards him.

“Of course I need to calm down, it’s the first day on the job.” 

Timmy went to sit next to him, taking the cigarette out of Armie’s fingers and putting it into his mouth.

“It seems like a long time coming, but at the same time, like it’s hitting me in the face.” He passed it back to Armie who nodded and took a drag.

“God, what if I’m not Oliver.” Armie sighed, his head leaning back against the wall. “What if I can’t be Oliver.”

Timmy turned his body toward him, wrapping one arm around Armie’s bent knees.

“You know you’re Oliver.” 

“I don’t know anything.”

Timmy shook his head, got himself up and held out a hand. “That’s my line.”

The whole crew had been looking for them when they got downstairs. He sort of froze, forgetting how much space he had to take up here, looking to Armie but seeing Armie looking to him. 

“Good, boys, we’ve found you. Let’s go rehearse out in the back yard.”

\--

They didn’t always go up there, and they didn’t always smoke when they did, but the smell became synonymous with them sitting with their shoulders touching, leaning against creaky wood, laughing in low voices as if anyone was going to hear. 

“I think I’ve fallen in love with Luca.” Armie said, scrubbing his face to hide a smile.

“Understandable,” Timmy nodded, stretching his hands above his head and turning into Armie’s gaze. 

“I’ve never had a director care about what I think before.” Armie shook his head, his hand on his chin.

“Everyone should listen to you. You’re the only reason our scene today looks the way it does. You just _saw_ it.” Timmy chuckled, amazed. “You saw the way it was suppose to look.”

“We were both saying it!”

“No, _I_ was saying, holy _fuck_ Armie, yes, that’s so brilliant, you’re so amazing –” Timmy poked and prodded him in the sides. 

“Whatever,” Armie laughed, pushing him so he toppled over. “If I’m not allowed to compliment you, you aren’t allowed to do it to me.”

Timmy shrugged, smile still lingering as he looked down at their hands, parallel on the floor. “It’s hard not to.” He didn’t look up but he could feel Armie’s eyes on him. 

“Ditto.”

\--

Armie gave him a look from across the table that roughly translated to, _aaand we’re out_. Timmy didn’t have to nod, just wiped his mouth with the napkin on his lap and pushed out of his chair with nothing more than a sheepish smile as an explanation. No one looked up, maybe they did when Armie followed suit, but probably not. 

All Timmy needed was a knuckle on the ribbed wooden wall to navigate himself towards the door in the darkness. He left it open for the feet behind him and climbed the steps in large strides, skipping some and not skipping others, swinging off the railings. 

Two shared cigarettes later (neither ever weighing the option of just having one each), Timmy closed his eyes, smiling, squishing his hands between his back and where they were leaning against the wall. 

“It’s been a while.” 

Armie nodded, putting the last of it out. “It has, relatively.”

“I’ve missed you.” That made Armie laugh. 

“I’ve been here this whole time.” 

Timmy looked at him with a soft smile and shook his head. “I like it when it’s strong.” He looked up at the ceiling and around the room. “When we were filming me and Esther, all I could smell was smoke in this room.” He shook his head and chuckled. “I kept wondering if everyone else could smell it, if they could tell. There I was, sucking on her thighs and all I could think about was –”

He didn’t finish because Armie was kissing him.

It was soft but not without hunger, Armie’s large hand going to cup his cheek. Timmy placed his own on top of it, amazed and pleased as he parted his lips, let Armie in, the last way he could. They kissed with Timmy’s head bumping constantly into the wall and his arms coming up to wrap around Armie’s neck, both of them making soft noises and trying to get impossibly closer.

“I’m sorry, you were saying?” Armie breathed, not even trying to make a joke, too dazed not to be genuine. Timmy shook his head.

“Unimportant.” He said, leaning in to kiss him one more time, eyes open, then again with a smile, just to clarify. 

\--

“Let’s go.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“Shut up. We’re going.” 

Just like that Armie had subbed him for the usual cigarette, and he was always just short of pulling himself out of the package, holding out the lighter and saying _hurry up, I want to be burning already_.

“I can’t believe you,” Armie said, already on his neck, already in their attic even though he didn’t remember climbing the stairs. 

“What are you talking about?” He laughed. He knew exactly what he was talking about.

Armie held both of his wrists up against the wall and Timmy arched into the man’s hips with a moan, his eyes closing and his tongue going to lick his upper lip.

“You are seducing me from across the room.”

“I am not _seducing you_ ,”

“ _I_ will be the one who decides whether I’ve been seduced.” Armie quipped, dragging his hand down Timmy’s throat then across his chest.

“ _God_ , are you only using one hand?” Timmy squirmed, his eyes closed, testing out the grip.

“To hold you down?” Armie asked, unbuttoning Timmy’s shorts and pushing a hand down his boxers. “Yeah.” 

Timmy’s mouth went slack, pushing up into Armie’s hand and rubbing his cheek against Armie’s hair, the man’s tongue licking just above his collarbone. When he came, Armie made him suck on two of his fingers and his head tipped back as he groaned. 

“That’ll teach you,” Armie said, brushing a thumb on his cheekbone. Timmy laughed weakly as he breathed in and out, finally looking at Armie’s large grin before dropping to his knees. 

“Yeah, that’ll teach me.”

\--

It was silent; the wind rustling through the trees making it more quiet in some way, emphasizing just how much you could hear everyone stopped in their tracks. Timmy put his hand on one elbow, rubbed it as he watched every one of them turn to look his way. 

“I, uh. I’ve got him.” He said, looking down and turning on his heel. He knew where he went.

Armie was pacing when Timmy got up there. He walked towards him with all the care he had the first time he found him up here, but this time he did not hesitate to put a hand on Armie’s bicep and wait until the man looked at him. Armie did, finally, a thumbnail between his teeth. 

“I meant it.” He said, his tone still biting, but Timmy knew it wasn’t for him.

“I know.” He nodded. 

“He makes me fucking sick.” He heard Armie’s voice break over the last word. Armie ran a hand through his hair as he shook his head and frowned. “How can he leave this? How can he want to go so easily when this is – this is –” Armie bit his lip, tears welling up but not running down his cheeks.

Timmy tiptoed to wrap both arms around Armie’s neck and felt Armie bury into the top of his shoulder, hands squeezing Timmy tight before going beneath his shirt and searching the skin of his back.

“We’re still here.” He whispered into the nape of Armie’s neck. Armie nodded. “Everyone’s still here.”

Timmy hugged Armie until his mumbled complaints were ones meant to make him laugh, and he pulled away to look at him, hand spreading on Armie’s chest. 

“Remember when you didn’t want to be Oliver?” He smiled, reaching towards Armie’s cheek. Armie rolled his eyes, the skin underneath them still red, and laughed as he kissed the inside of Timmy's wrist.

“I didn’t know what I wanted.”

\--

Timmy didn’t even think about it when he said it, the look of the room on the screen just brought it out of him. There, was where they sat with their legs splayed out, there, was the window Armie had broken by pushing it in the wrong way.

“If Armie was too lazy to go outside to smoke a cigarette while we were shooting, he would just go up to this attic.” He heard himself, he sounded wistful for a place he knew too well. The house looked just as big, but he knew every corner, every creak, every wall the light bounced off of. Armie was just as big too, but in a different way, one that was maybe, definitely, scarier sometimes. 

He heard Michael say, “I don’t think I ever saw it –” at some point between his thoughts. He breathed in the air like it was fresh smoke.

“You smelled it,” He chuckled.

**Author's Note:**

>  _oHhHhHH tHe aTtiC..._ (yes timmy, its not always about you and armie)
> 
> this is a little bit of a mess but i'm going with it? i had a lot of ideas but whatever? thank you for reading!
> 
> [tumblr](https://nellipot.tumblr.com)


End file.
